Does the partner of a sex addict have the right to out the affairs to their qualifier's spouse or partner (if one exists and the sex is not anonymous)?
This is not scientific, just my opinion, but most female sex addicts are triggered by their love addiction first and oftentimes sex is not anonymous and there is some connection for the attention before morphing into physical sex. So in most cases with female sex addicts, there probably is a qualifier that can be identified.
Tell me what you think about how a partner of a sex addict should handle themselves if they discover the identity of their spouse's qualifier? I am very interested in your opinions whether you are a partner of a sex addict, a sex addict yourself or even a therapist.
I will be sharing mine and my thought processes soon but wanted to hear where you stand on this age-old issue.
Thanks!
I've thought about revenge (though not the specific tactic you mention because my partner was seeing prostitutes,) and I've seen partners take revenge. The conclusion I've come to for myself is that, while it may feel good because it's a way of taking back power, that feeling is fleeting and/or a form of denial, and revenge doesn't contribute to my healthy recovery. The more I've come to accept my powerlessness over others, the more powerful I've felt and become in my own life.
ReplyDeleteGood post and good comment. My two cents is that it's not your place to confront the other person's spouse or partner. They may already know more than you think, or they may know nothing and like it that way. Bottom line is it's only by coincidence that they and you are involved (however indirectly) in the same situation, and potentially ruining their life will not make yours better in any way.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Don't waste your time on the others. Focus on you and YOUR wife. They did. Of force her to have sex with them she was the one who made that decision. And you are married to her.
ReplyDeleteRight...don't tell the person that got fooled around on...just like no one told you. Go ahead and perpetuate the myth...and PRETEND that everything is OK.
ReplyDeleteThat's surely what these folks are suggesting.
SO F'ING HELPFUL.
Your blog was written a few months before I found out about my spouse and his one night stands. Personally, I feel that the individuals that engage in sex with a married person has no respect for anyone, including themselves. If there was a societal response of exposure for acting like this, people might think twice. Especially when employers google your name before hiring.
ReplyDeleteYes, women are looking for affection and there is another woman(or man) who is being ignored because of it...so selfish and immature. One married woman wanted my husband to meet with her weekly on the night her husband went out with his girlfriend!? The cheaters truly are broken people that use sex to make themselves feel good because someone desires them. Someone like this has deep emotional problems that will probably not go away and you will keep getting hurt. There is a website cheaters.com specifically for this purpose.