Women speak about their sex addiction

This is a candid interview (a little dated) with two women that have struggled with sex addict and how it has affected their lives and their relationships. 


I hope it is some value to husbands like me as well as women who are also struggling with sex addiction. It's pretty powerful stuff.

Let me know what you think?


 

TV Program Alert: "Bad Sex" on Logo

There is a new TV reality show on the little known cable channel (in my house) called Logo titled "Bad Sex".  First-run episodes are on every Friday night.

The show chronicles a currently sex addict as he/she go through eight (8) weeks of group, individual and sometimes family therapy with a sex specialist Chris Donaghue.  I will note that at no time does the show call Donaghue a doctor, but he appears to know what he's doing and understands the triggers and the struggles of the sex addict.  The sex addicts in group therapy appear to represent many different diagnosis of sex addiction:  Love Addict, Porn Addiction, Gay, Straight, Sexual Anorexic, Masturbation and others.


I just watched the first two episodes and it just provided me greater insight in the life and struggles a sex addict.  Each week follows one of the members of the group's progress through the entire eight week program.  The first one was a serial cheater who was trying to stay committed to his girlfriend but kept having sex with other women.  What made it worse, is he lied to the group as well as his therapist (Boy did that remind me of my wife in both individual and couples therapy).  In the end, it was the shame the man was experiencing in his behavior that was causing him to lie.  In my opinion, he never realized he was "safe" to be honest with his fellow sex addicts and Donaghue and the only way he was going to get better was to be honest, confront the problem head-on and follow the specialist's suggestions. 


If a sex addict is reading this please hear this as a partner of a recovering sex addicts: If you decide that you want help, work through a certified sex therapist and be 100% honest with the therapist with your actions (Your secret is safe with them because of patient/client confidentiality.). Without truthfulness, you are wasting your time and money in therapy. It will not be impactful for you.


The second episode was a male gay sex addict who wanted sex all the time with anyone he could get.  For me that fact that he was having unsafe sex reminded me of how my wife was acting out and 99% of the time did it unprotected (One guy had a condom, but it fell during intercourse and another guy used it only the first time).

Each show will follow a member of the group through their eight week program with Donaghue. I'm sure these episodes will be of value to male sex addicts, female sex addicts and partners of sex addicts. It will touch you all in different ways and it won't leave you with a warm and fuzzy. In my opinion it's important that you educate yourself on the subject (heck it is probably why you are reading this blog) and it should be MUST SEE TV for all of you.


You should at least record it.  The first two episodes will be repeating several times during this week. If you don't get the channel, check out these sites too for some info about the show.


Show website:  http://www.logotv.com/shows/bad_sex/series.jhtml
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BadSexOnLogo
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/BadSexChris
GetGlue: http://getglue.com/tv_shows/bad_sex


If you watched the show, let us know your thoughts by putting a comment on this blog.


Also, make your calendars for Friday, Dec. 3, 2011 which is opening night for the new movie about sex addiction (the one not staring  Gwyneth Paltrow) titled "Shame".  The movie stars Michael Fassbender as a male sex addict and Carey Mulligan as his alcoholic younger sister.  (Obviously family of origin issues with be part of the plot line.) I believe it premiered at the Toronto Film Festival earlier this year and it was been critically acclaimed..It has been in the news lately for drawing an NC-17 rating....big hoot for a movie about sex addiction. It's not like you are going to bring the kids.

Trauma and Female Sex Addiction

To follow up on my post from yesterday regarding childhood trauma manifesting into adult addictive behaviors. I found this relevant article from May 2010 which specifically addresses this correlation to female sex addicts.   

For those who maybe affected, it is a very short but interesting read written by Karen Pohlman of Living Free, Inc. in Phoenix: Trauma and sexual addiction in women.

I hope it is of some value to you.

Penn State and Sex Addiction - A Connection?

What does one have to do about the other? Maybe a lot more than you think.

For those that may not be following the Penn State scandal where a former assistant football coach is facing charges of sexually abusing eight boys (probably more) over 15 years. This has put this a societal problem on the front of many, many news and sports websites, newspaper and TV shows. 

It's just my observation, but unfortunately many of these very young victims of abuse will be traumatized later in life too. Sadly for many, the damage will result with the victims in adult life using addiction (alcohol, drugs and sex) to cope with their issues. 

This is unscientific information but 11 of 12 women in my wife's inpatient female sex addiction group were victims of rape or incest. Many in her SLAA meetings also share similar experiences as youths or have some form of trauma (i.e. physical abuse) from their family of origin. 

Although my wife had a difficult childhood, she was the one person in her group that was not sexually violated. She has many other issues from her childhood that drove her to act out as a sex addict. 

Through my private detective work, I have since found out that one of her qualifiers (affair partners) was sexually molested by a priest in his teens and another one was shot in the face by his father in high school. My wife had said early in recovery (she won't talk about them with me anymore) that both these men displayed characteristics of sex addiction too (but they didn't know it).

I hope these boys from Pennsylvania (as well as any other child abuse victims in this world) have gotten or get all the therapy and help they need ASAP to live a healthy and sober life. They are all in my prayers.

I Don't Get "It!"

If you are trying to stay in a committed relationship with a female sex addict, have you heard this before: You just don't get it (the sex addict).


Well, last night my wife, who is currently in recovery, started reading Ethlie Ann Vare's Love Addict: Sex, Romance, and Other Dangerous Drugs  This is a book I bought for myself on the Kindle. I told her about it and thought you would get something out of it. I also let her know it would be an easy read. She had been stuck on the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: The Basic Text for the past month.


She is rather "addicted" to Vare's book as my wife cannot put it down now that she has started it. She finds the read to be somewhat disturbing because she says it speaks to her and her problem and she doesn't like what it says about her. She says by me reading it that I should totally understand her. I told her, that it was informative (I'm 89% done in Kindle speak) but that doesn't mean that "I get you and your addiction" (I try to avoid sex with that word unless I am writing about it.). I don't think I will ever understand my wife have seven (7) sexual affairs and plenty more emotional affairs.


One of the interesting early topics in the book is that your family of origin and your upbringing create the framework for the addiction to flourish in adulthood. I believe many of us knew that already An important point is made that two people raised in the same environment can produce totally different results in adulthood. I guess then it was our bad luck my wife drew the straw to act out her childhood wounding as a married mother and become a sex and love addict.


I have thoughts about my what may happen to our children because of my wife's addiction and our resulting dysfunctional household, but I will wait for another post to address.


I don't know about you, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get "it." or the recover from the destruction that "it" has caused.


I guess I will keep trying to figure it all out. For record, I hope my wife does before me.