Thursday, November 17, 2011

I'm jealous of Demi Moore

"As a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life."
My heart sank when I read this quote. The title of this post may sound crazy.  Why would anyone be jealous of Demi Moore?

I so admire and am amazed at HER STRENGTH to hold to her core values and sacred oaths. That's why I'm so jealous, not of the pain, anger and shame she is going through because of her husband Ashton Kutcher's behavior. I am totally envious of her sticking to her moral code.

I now understand that my wife has the disease of sex addiction. When I was going through the three years of trauma with the constant communication with men, the nebulous meetings, affairs, checking out of motherhood responsibilities and all the lies, I failed myself by not putting my foot down and having the strength to leave. 

By not standing up for my own values and holding to my bottom line, whatever I have put myself through for at least two years would have never happened (at least not while married as I still would have been slighty involved because of my children.) I am still trying to deal with the personal shame of compromising my morals to stay in this marriage.

To this day, this is one of my biggest struggles being so weak when faced with the facts of what I knew of my wife's behavior. This is where I believe I truly failed myself and I have to come to grips with it. I vow now to honor myself and my character first. That's all I can do.